Boot-Strapped

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Straps were invented to hang things with.

But they don’t behave very well. Bag straps are very notorious. They always manage to get very convoluted and finally hurt us when we walk or sit. I used to have a laptop bag that had a strap that was malnourished. It used to be twisted and torn. Maybe it used to reflect my state of mind, who knows. It was a thin strap for the heavy HP laptop. Don’t know if the bag makers were told about the final weight. The strap started to tear at it’s seems very soon. It soon looked like as if the seams were regularly beaten with a bat by Chris Gayle. Malnourished and sullen that strap was.

Straps in cars are also problematic. Safety belts. Why do they twist right on top of the chest? It hurts. It’s as if the Lord dictates that you do a car ride with a Donald Trump face. You can’t be Trump, take his face for a bit. Swollen face. Angry face. Red face. The chest hurts. But you cannot tell anyone. They will say, “Can’t you straighten the strap?” If only it were that easy. Uber drivers prepare the strap from before and slip themselves into it. It’s called misen scene. So nothing hurts. We are expected to get in and get it right immediately. Wrong of people to expect that. I won’t even talk about the problems women face with straps. It is wrong. It is like India’s misery with law and order. There’s no solution and there’s no relief in sight. I know. I understand and therefore I shall not talk about it.

Straps have served their time. Elastic bands or leather pieces they are. They cannot govern us like this. Like galoshes, the whole bunch should go. I mean, we cannot throw them out, but they should go. Voluntarily. Just leave us with handles to latch on to when in trouble.

Cowboys on horseback, were they ever strapped to the horses? Was Capt Haddock ever strapped to his seat? We carried so many ration bags from the market to home. Was there any strap for those bags? No.
So okay, we will manage.

Again, I shall not be a spokesperson for women.

But straps actually do reflect our torn and twisted minds. Haddock never needed one, he was that straight.
Haddock wouldn’t have survived in a boardroom or in a political organization of today. He would have shaven and taken refuge in an old age home near Brindavan or Coimbatore.

And yet if Arnab needed him, he would find him and strap him to a chair in his studio when he wanted a quote on how “Blistering Barnacles” is a leftist slogan! That strap would be convoluted. Very.

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